I Would Die For That

I've been in a funk... a major funk. And because of that I am snippy as in PMS snippy just without the PMS. You know I used to fancy myself one of those lucky girls... I had awesome periods.. 2 days and DONE! Sweet... now I realize what no one was smart enough to realize it was the sign to the problem maybe not so awesome after all. So yeah since Sunday in a funk. They come around quite often. Particularly when you feel misunderstood or when 500 FB posts pop up of births and people expecting. And ironically... both have been happening. I have begun to think FB is evil and was made to torture me and remind me what I don't have. But oh well, I'm not stopping using it because I like keeping contact with my friends. It's rough when you feel misunderstood when no one seems to understand. I've found some fb communities though that are for infertiles or people who know infertiles and that helps. It's nice to have a support group. Fixing to find me some adoption groups.



On to the good news.... Got the adoption pre-app sent off!!!! Yay! Got a few more things that go with it but have to be mailed versuses online so not completely finished but at least started. Now praying that we aren't rejected. I know everyone says oh you'll be such great parents...no need to worry... but when your fate lies in the hands of someone else or several people as is our case yeah how can you not worry? Gotta finish my testimony which is no light testimony so that's gonna take a bit. Been difficult with the fact that I have been in such a funk. I didn't want to do anything... kept bogging down afraid I wouldn't say what they wanted to hear. It's sooooo stinking stressful. And people think adoption is the cure all.. yes hopefully we will become parents and that is the end not just being pregnant but the fact that your fate is in someone else's hands is soooo stressful. So fixing to work on our profile which people are like that's all you think of... well if you knew that your one chance to be a mom was in your chance to show people why you'd be a great parent to their child and them selecting you...well it'd be all you thought of too. It's interesting no one tells pregnant women that all they talk about is being pregnant... but on the flip side if you are adopting they forget that it is our pregnancy and a much longer one than 9 months (so please stop complaining about your wait!) so yes it is the forefront of my mind.

I'll know something within two weeks... so I sit on pins and needles till then.