Things not to say to the infertile/adoptingS

So tonight one of the ladies at church told me she found my blog... I thought she meant my new one.... nope this one. I was like "Oh, the ranting blog...." and she mentioned how it broke her heart knowing that she'd made comments to us and never meant to hurt us and to see how I really hurt. I felt bad, but the whole point of this blog was knowing that one day, someone who was infertile or knew someone who was might find it and it might help them and keep them from feeling like I did. Alone.   I felt bad because I hated to make anyone feel bad and in all honestly she was never on my mind when I said those things. But she was grateful to know what not to say. So in your honor..... here is a list (and for anyone else who wantss to know.)

• Don't tell us to just relax. Yes, we know that for hundreds of years people have stopped thinking about it and gotten pregnant. But there is no medical backing for this. It may happen and it may not. But for many infertiles there is a documented medical proble and relaxing isn't going to take that away.
• Go on vacation (or drink milk, or eat sweet potatoes or any other gimmick someone swears by). Once again, documented medical problems such as low sperm counts or not ovulating, PCOS, hyperthyrodism etc are not auto cured by this. Can it help.... sure diet helps a lot. Is it proven? Nope. And at this point you don't need empty hope.
• At least you can adopt. Adoption is not an easy process. Ask anyone who has been there or those there now. It is a long and hard process that in all honestly though it may not have the physical pain of childbirth carries a lot of emotional stress with it. It's not a decision anyone makes lightly. It wasn't something they just got up and decided.
• Adopt and you'll get pregnant. See above comment about medical documention. Show me that in a medical book. And anyone who is adopting solely because they think they'll get pregnant is going to be sorely disappointed, especially if it doesn't happen. And if it does, how will your adopted child feel knowing that you favor the biological child over them. And trust me... kids know who is favored.
• Want my kids? Sure if you are that unappreciative of the blessings you have and take them so lightly I'll take them any day. It's not a joke. It's a hurtful comment to the person who wants nothing more than to have children.
• You're lucky you don't have any kids. I don't even have a comment on that. Way too hurtful.
• I was fertile Myrtle. Why thank you for rubbing your fertility in my face. It's not so easy for the rest of us. (this also goes for the.... he just looked at me and I got pregnant remark.)
• Oh just wait. I am. With gusto. And chances are I've waited a lot longer than you ever did.
• One day I'm gonna remind you of this when you are dealing with.......... I plan on enjoying every spit up and late night. WIll I get tired and frustrated? Sure I'm human. But right now... green poop and puke would be welcome.
• I'm sorry you are having to adopt? Adoption is not second best. In our case, we planned on it eventually anyway. Is it our first choice, no it's not many peoples... but God's best may not always be what we thought it was. This is God's plan for us. Don't diminish that.
• Why don't you adopt from your own race/country? Hmmmm why don't you adopt from your own race or country?

I'm sure I'll think of more later and come edit....but for now that seems to be a good start. And I need to work on some more paperwork and get to  bed.